New Year's Eve

You are Gone.
And I am cold 
many deaths, many deaths  made me cold 
I didn’t want the raven to come 
Like he came for the others 
So I imagined a angel holding your hand. I imagined God’s love and imagined the peace. 
This way I can sleep at night 
I told myself I didn’t care that this is real. 
But you are Gone 
And I’m just sitting here 
At this moment 
Everything
The brokenness the silence its all very real 
I SCREAM at myself because I care I know I do. 
GUIN I CARE ABOUT YOU 
Please, I don’t want my heart going cold for you 
I don’t want to forget the pain that death brings  
Because life when snatched needs  to be grieved 
Because your important 
I know I miss you 
I’m lying about what’s reality 
I’m shocked Your not coming back 
Guin, My baby cousin please  Let me grieve you 
God help me grieve her help me not hide it.
I listen to everyone and council all the time 
“ it breaks my heart that your going through this, that that happened, I’m sorry.”
As their problem is minor and I make it major more than my own. 
Maybe their problem makes me forget my own ..
But you know what no one asks 
And it’s rude to talk about myself
When your the one being there for others 
Help me remember how to cry 
So I can release emotion 
I remember playing dolls with you, How I would babysit
The beach and all it’s visits 
Remember the water balloons at the park  🎈 
How we took a day just to make it for the next
Guin you were so young 
You didn’t get to have a first kiss
Or learn how to drive
You didn’t experience college
Covid came suddenly 
I though you were getting better
I told your mom everything will be fine 
And it hurts it hurts because I didn’t know you would died 
And everyone’s asking are you vaccinated or unvaccinated 
It hurts it, And it hurts, it makes my sorrow turn angry
Because your Gone your a person and your gone 
regardless of this or that your a person and your loved. 
I can’t believe your Gone. 
People are asking me the how first before identifying you 
And 
It hurts  so much because I know you, I know that little girl  
I remember the child that played in the lawn
The poems I read you to sleep
Guin I wish I had that poem 
I wish to go back to before to hold you tighter 
But I didn’t know, I didn’t know 
That you would leave us at 15 years old 
I didn’t know Guinybear I didn’t know 
I have this picture and I hold it so dearly now 
It helps me sleep at night 
But sometimes a picture it’s not enough 
That’s when I’m crying on my knees and beg God to let me sleep 
He gives me peace in the grief 
Tucks me in as I sleep